A Companion Always Wants to Talk On Her Topics: Should I End the Friendship?

Our friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, which I admire. But, she's often taken by surprise by people. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. It shocked her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have realised more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several in her circle have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she was very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding my position between us feels one-sided. I open discussion points but she shifts them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. My effort is to propose double-checking information and different perspectives.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. I tried to offer advice, but this was unappreciated. She purely solely sought my agreement with her plans. I've just come back from a month in that country she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she'll truly grasp the impact of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, but it is not often the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to working things out takes courage and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. Step two is to express her how it makes you feel. There should be no disagreement here. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Finally is to ask how the two of you can shift the dynamics between you."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak while I will listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

Final Thoughts

She might reject everything, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they have a version about themselves they cannot release since their identity relies on it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might at first react like this then consider on your words. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it provides satisfaction from having been honest with her.