How to Speak Dating Like a Zoomer: 51 Niche Phrases for Romance, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a extensive guide to the words this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

A

Genuineness – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reply is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {